two ships passing in the night

with my husband's birthday being tomorrow i felt it only made sense to touch on this kind of topic and also give him and i a little pat on the back.

before kids - every night was date night, spontaneous adventures were regular, always being well rested allowed more patience and understanding towards one another and less overall stress meant more room within to be extra attentive, thoughtful and romantic.

i feel like a lot of the time we focus on making sure we individually are okay after having kids, doing all of the right things we can think of to stay healthy both mentally and physically but sometimes forgetting to give that same attention to our relationship or marriage. it's so easy for that to take a back seat when you have littles. my husband and i definitely fell victim and struggled deeply the first year of our son's life - bickering constantly, sweeping said bickering under the rug only for it to eventually lead to a bigger argument. it was so hard to successfully communicate due to lack of sleep and the realization that we were now for the rest of our lives in charge of making sure this precious human life would always be safe, happy and loved. it is no joke when they say "your life is about to completely change forever" because it does and while it is a beautiful thing, it can also be incredibly challenging at first. finding the balance between making sure you, your children and your relationship are all simultaneously in a good place is no walk in the park and if it is, i don't believe you. LOL.

my husband and i are a lot alike in the sense that we are both afraid of failure and strive for perfection in anything we do, even if it's for the first time - ridiculous i know but that is the way God wired our brains! so, once our sweet Crew was here, we both were individually lasered focused on making sure we were doing everything right but at the same time left that open line of communication completely stranded. most days felt like we were just surviving. it wasn't until our son was well over a year old, and consistently sleeping through the night, where we sat down and were able to hash it all out and get back on track. since then and especially after welcoming our daughter, we are always checking on each other and chatting nightly once our kids are asleep about any concerns, thoughts and/or ideas we have when it comes to our family. we of course still from time to time fall into a little bit of a rut, usually when life is more chaotic than normal and sleepless nights are randomly on the rise, but we are quickly able to find are way back to one another. after all we learn through experience and as long as you are both willing to take a step back, assess and put the work in together, only then can you genuinely evolve and grow. best piece of marriage advice we ever got was - "in life, you both are not going to be exactly who you are now and in a true partnership you'll need to learn how to grow together so that you don't grow apart."

so, if you are struggling and/or struggled with something similar you are not alone, it is very common. give yourself and your partner some grace. regularly carve out time where you both can sit down to really talk and understand where you are both at and/or where you would like to go. it is so much easier and better to work together than separately especially when you share the same common goal which is hopefully raising some kick ass kids and living a wonderful life.

with love,

Sarah